How to service your vehicle, Women vs. Man:
Instructions for Women:
1)Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2)Drink a large Starbucks coffee.
3)1 hr 15 minutes later write a check for 194.50 and leave driving a properly serviced vehicle.
MONEY SPENT
Oil change: 34.50
Bogus service upsells: 160.00
Coffee 4.50
Total: 199.00
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Instructions for Men:
1) Saturday morning drive down to the local NAPA auto parts. Buy a case of oil, oil filter, hand cleaner, kitty litter and an air freshener. Fifty bucks.
2)Stop by the 7/11 ,buy a case of beer and drive home. Twenty-Five Bucks.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4)Jack car up and spend thirty minutes digging out jack stands from underneath kids and wifes junk.
5)In frustration open another beer and drink it.
6)Place drain pan under engine.
7)Look for tool box. Find toolbox at the neighbors house. Wife forgot to tell you they asked to borrow it and never returned box.
8)Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9)Wrench missing. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10)Unscrew drain plug.
11)Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil splashing yourself in the process. CUSS.
12)Crawl out from under car and wipe hot oil off of face and arms. throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13)Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14)Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. Probably at the neighbors.
15)Give up: crawl under car and hammer screwdriver through filter and twist off.
16)Crawl out from under car with oil filter dripping oil everywhere. cleverly hide old oil filter in trash to avoid environmental penalty. Drink a beer.
17)Install new oil filter.
18)Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19)Remember drain plug from step 11....
20)Hurry to find drain plug in oil drain pan.
21)Drink beer.
22)Discover that first quart of oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on spill.
23)Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24)Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench while tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25)Begin CUSSING FIT.
26)Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27)Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench bounced, hit and broke garage window.
28)Beer
29)Clean up hands and bandage to stop blood flow.
30)Beer.
31)Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32)Beer
33)Lower car from jackstands.
34)Move car back and throw kitty litter on any missed spots.
35)Beer.
36)Test drive car.
37)GET PULLED OVER: ARRESTED FOR DUI.
38)Car gets impounded.
39)Call loving wife, make bail.
40)Twelve hours later, pick up car at rip-off impound lot.
Money spent:
Parts: $50
Beer: $25
DUI: $2500
Impound: $175
Bail: $1500
Total: $4,250
BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT!!!!!
Just a little humor to get your mind off this BS for a few moments.
Bill