Post by granny2shoes on Dec 15, 2007 19:14:02 GMT -5
> A Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
> one
> admitted this:
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
> interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
> little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
> supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
>
> WAY TOO COOL!
>
> Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
> triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
> was
> disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed
> it
> against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of
> electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
>
> AWESOME!!!
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
> the
> face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
> thinking
> to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A
> batteries,
> right ? !!
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
> needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
> admit
> I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought
> better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this
> thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
> assurance that it would work as advertised.
>
> Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
> perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
> taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
> and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
> muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
> would
> purportedly make your assailant flop on the
> ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
> would
> be wasting the batteries.
>
> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
> two
> itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
>
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...I'm
> sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head thingyed to one side as
> to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such
> a
> tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
> myself
> a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
> naked
> thigh, pushed the button, and ........
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
> in
> the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
> over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
> with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
> nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making
> meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
> undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again!" Note: If you
> ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution:
> there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You
> will
> not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent
> thrashing about on the floor. A three-second
> burst would be considered conservative.
>
> SON-OF-A-... That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure,
> as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
> little
> I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses
> were
> on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps,
> right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it
> had
> been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still
> looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
> return. Still in shock.
>
> P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
>
> "If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid".
>
>
>
>
> --
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> Version: 7.5.503 / Virus Database: 269.16.17/1179 - Release Date:
> 12/9/2007 11:06 AM
>
>